Cross-Country

Have you ever been totally frustrate by something that you used to love. Maybe its the reason you love it because its a challenge. I loved it because I was good at it. But now I'm slower. I've slowed down. Maybe I'll keep getting slower. How can someone that doesn't even practice get faster every race when I get slower. How can I feel great and run slower than when I feel like crap. Maybe thats why I felt like crap. But it was only 8 seconds faster. So maybe I should run so fast I feel like crap. But then would I like cross- country. Would I still like it if it made me feel like crap, but then I'm fast. I just don't like being second best. I don't like being glad that we didn't get beat "that bad" I want to be on a team that doesn't get beat that bad. I want to be on a team that either barely gets beat or else wins. Sometimes I wish I was a freshman. Everything was new, and it didn't matter if i was good or not because I was just a freshman. Now I'm a sophomore that had a great freshman year. I have to be better or I'm the girl people talk about who used to be good and who had potential. I want to be good. I miss the competitiveness I used to be. I used to do things straight from the heart. Now I think too much. I worry. I conserve my energy. It doesn't work for me. I just want to be good again. I want to be able to fix my problems just like that. I want to be able ot have all the answers. I want to go to sleep. I want to be in the top of my classes. I don't want to work hard. I want to make everyone happy. I want to be happy. I want to have a good relationship with God, and my family. I want so many things. I want to shut up.